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Five Go Parenting

Bruno Vincent

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Prose: non-fiction, Humour, Parodies & spoofs

Bringing up a baby would surely be kid's play for The Five. How hard could it possibly be?! When the doorbell rings one Saturday afternoon, the last thing the Five were expecting to find on their doorstep was a baby... But the Five are next of kin to Cousin Rupert and his wife, so when they find themselves in a spot of bother and are destined for a short spell behind bars, Anne, Dick, George and Anne are the first port of call. First, it's the fear and the tiredness that kicks in. They are terrified at being responsible for this new life and have no idea they're doing it right. Why is it crying? They use Dr Google constantly, who whatever the situation offers the same range of advice from 'don't worry about it' to 'rush her to the A&E'. 'Why is she crying?' they constantly ask. 'Why?' It keeps them up all night every night, until they are reduced to walking ghosts, haunted by a numb and impotent fury. Is this an adventure too far for our Five?

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Bruno Vincent

Bruno Vincent is the author of several humour titles including (with Jon Butler) the bestselling Do Ants Have Arseholes?, a Christmas No.1 back in the more innocent days of Myspace and News of the World. He has also written two volumes of gothic horror stories for children which were adapted for the stage.