I’ve been there. Where you are. Or where you’ve been. Where you might find yourself one day. That place. That dark place we can all go to.
Sometimes the pain is so unbearable I can’t stand the thought of being in my own body anymore. I just want to sleep the days away. I’ll keep the curtains shut and hide in darkness.
But something I always try to remind myself of is that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. Sometimes I will be crying and saying to myself, ‘I know that this is supposed to be happening for a reason but I’m tired.’ Or I know that I’m supposed to be learning a lesson and I think, Okay, I’ve learnt enough lessons now – can we just get things moving and back on track?
Ultimately, though, I truly believe that even during difficulties and even through the darkness, this is supposed to be happening for whatever reason, and I’m going to grow from it and learn from it. Maybe that’s just a coping mechanism – but even if it is, it works.
Once I get through the darkness I ask myself, ‘What did I learn and how did I change in a positive way?’ and, always, there has been a positive change. Always. But it can be hard to see that when you’re in the midst of it.
This is something that I’ve only been able to put into practice over the last couple of years, since I turned 30. In the past, I would have moments after huge challenges or adversity, or whatever it may be, when I’d say, ‘What did I learn?’ Nowadays I do this for any bad days that I have and not just for huge events.
In other words, I haven’t had it all sorted out for my whole life. In fact, I still don’t have it all sorted out. But I’ve learnt some things that helped me and may help you too.
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