Getting Rid of Matthew

The first novel from the producer who brought us THIS LIFE and TEACHERS. Abridged edition.

What to do if Matthew, your secret lover of the past four years, finally decides to leave his wife Sophie (and their two daughters) and move into your flat, just when you're thinking that you might not want him anymore...

PLAN A
Stop shaving your armpits. And your bikini line
Tell him you have a moustache that you wax every six weeks
Stop having sex with him
Pick holes in the way he dresses
Don't brush your teeth. Or your hair. Or the stray hag-whisker that grows out of your chin
Buy incontinence pads and leave them lying around

PLAN B
Accidentally on purpose bump into his wife Sophie
Give yourself a fake name and identity
Befriend Sophie
Actually begin to really like Sophie
Snog Matthew's son (whose the same age as you by the way. You're not a paedophile)
Buy a cat and give it a fake name and identity
Befriend Matthew's children. Unsuccessfully
Watch your whole plan go absolutely horribly wrong

Getting Rid of Matthew isn't as easy as it seems, but along the way Helen will forge an unlikely friendship, find real love and realize that nothing ever goes exactly to plan...

Read by Fenella Woolgar

(p) 2007 Orion Publishing Group