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  • Hodder & Stoughton

One Hundred Secret Thoughts Cats have about Humans

Celia Haddon

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Prose: non-fiction, Gift books

Want to train your human even more purrfectly One hundred ways to work out your human's weird behaviour and so gain more cat power. Cats rule OK!

Adopt a rescue human. They think they are adopting you. Humans that need homes go to special places where cats are kept. These are rescue humans.

Humans can't caterwaul - except in the bath or sometimes when they play the piano.

They cannot purr. Cat psychologists suggest that this gap in the human vocal repertoire is due to their lack of inner confidence and serenity.

Baby humans don't have anyone of their own age to play with, but it doesn't matter as much as it would for a kitten as they are amazingly retarded.

Gay tom humans make the best pets.

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Celia Haddon

Celia Haddon was the Daily Telegraph pet agony aunt whose knowledgeable yet sentimental column delighted cat lovers. She has sold somewhere between one to two million books and is an author recognised by bookshops and the general public. Her manual One Hundred Ways for a Cat to Train Its Human has sold more than a quarter of a million copies so far and her One Hundred Secret Thoughts Cats have about their Humans has sold 147,000. Her first narrative book - Tilly: The Ugliest Cat in the Shelter - sold in excess of 18,000 copies in the UK Trade.

A cat behaviour practitioner with the Centre of Applied Pet Ethology, she has a B.Sc. in applied animal behaviour.

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